Yes. I'm that mom.

Yes.  I’m that mom.  The overprotective, anal, routine oriented, when things don’t go my way I lose it mom.  Well, half of me, at least.  The other half of me is laid back, fun, “no, you don’t have to wear shoes outside”, forgets to shower mom.

I have found that somewhere in the middle is the person I’d like to be.  Although I struggle daily to become a better mom, person, wife, daughter, etc…I just fall short.  I look around at friends who juggle three kids and a job, yet still have time to create the perfect meal in their spotless kitchen.  That’s not reality, right?   In plays my love/hate relationship with social networking sites.  I find myself constantly comparing and contrasting my life with those of acquaintances online.  (Quite unhealthy and a complete waste of energy.)

I have a loving, wonderful husband.  I know that he loves me, truly, and I him.  My son is my other true love.  He is a pistol.  He has my temper, and my husband’s determination.  A perfect blend of both of us, he has brought absolute joy into our hearts.  But babies are frustrating, tricky little rascals.  They change, almost daily.  They evolve and develop at a rate that simply blows my mind.  I assume I just didn’t realize how much I would need to mesh the two halves of my personality in order to make life work.  I am still working at that, constantly.  When things go according to plan, I’m so happy.  I’m relaxed.  I can get so much accomplished.  However, when things go awry, that really throws me for a loop.

I wish I were more like my mom, who always says, “you worry too much…just relax!”.  I would LOVE to just relax.  I wish I had a dial to up or down the “relax” to meet every situation I face.  And I’ll admit, I do not lose it over legitimately horrible things.  I am surely the most optimistic when things are at their worst.  But if my son misses a nap, heaven help us, the sky is falling.

Why, oh why do I fret over silly things like napping or eating?  Is this normal?  I’m not sure, what is normal?  I believe I respond this way because in the moment, I can’t see the light.  I can’t see the end and I think, “oh, no!  This is how life shall be, forevermore!”  Ever the dramatic, huh?  I am so thankful for wise friends who lend their ear for a bit of chewing.  I love to hear responses from moms who don’t have it all together.  The ones just like me.  These pals say exactly what I already know, but coming from someone else, it’s like salve on a wound.  I also know that spending time in the Word is another way to find wisdom, comfort, and a little bit of hard lovin’ that tells me to put my big girl panties on and be the mom my son needs.  

So, this blog is just a little vent/therapeutic writing and I hope that I can daily grow into the person I wish to be, while being content in the knowledge that God made me specifically equipped to care for my child and family (thanks to a wise friend for that nugget of reason).