Yes. I’m that
mom. The overprotective, anal, routine
oriented, when things don’t go my way I lose it mom. Well, half of me, at least. The other half of me is laid back, fun, “no,
you don’t have to wear shoes outside”, forgets to shower mom.
I have found that somewhere in the middle is the person I’d
like to be. Although I struggle daily to
become a better mom, person, wife, daughter, etc…I just fall short. I look around at friends who juggle three kids
and a job, yet still have time to create the perfect meal in their spotless
kitchen. That’s not reality, right? In plays my love/hate relationship with
social networking sites. I find myself
constantly comparing and contrasting my life with those of acquaintances
online. (Quite unhealthy and a complete
waste of energy.)
I have a loving, wonderful husband. I know that he loves me, truly, and I him. My son is my other true love. He is a pistol. He has my temper, and my husband’s
determination. A perfect blend of both
of us, he has brought absolute joy into our hearts. But babies are frustrating, tricky little
rascals. They change, almost daily. They evolve and develop at a rate that simply
blows my mind. I assume I just didn’t
realize how much I would need to mesh the two halves of my personality in order
to make life work. I am still working at
that, constantly. When things go
according to plan, I’m so happy. I’m
relaxed. I can get so much
accomplished. However, when things go
awry, that really throws me for a loop.
I wish I were more like my mom, who always says, “you worry
too much…just relax!”. I would LOVE to
just relax. I wish I had a dial to up or
down the “relax” to meet every situation I face. And I’ll admit, I do not lose it over
legitimately horrible things. I am
surely the most optimistic when things are at their worst. But if my son misses a nap, heaven help us,
the sky is falling.
Why, oh why do I fret over silly things like napping or
eating? Is this normal? I’m not sure, what is normal? I believe I respond this way because in
the moment, I can’t see the light. I can’t
see the end and I think, “oh, no! This
is how life shall be, forevermore!” Ever
the dramatic, huh? I am so thankful for
wise friends who lend their ear for a bit of chewing. I love to hear responses from moms who don’t have it all together. The ones just like me. These pals say exactly what I already know,
but coming from someone else, it’s like salve on a wound. I also know that spending time in the Word is
another way to find wisdom, comfort, and a little bit of hard lovin’ that tells
me to put my big girl panties on and be the mom my son needs.
So, this blog is just a little vent/therapeutic writing and
I hope that I can daily grow into the person I wish to be, while being content
in the knowledge that God made me specifically equipped to care for my child
and family (thanks to a wise friend for that nugget of reason).
